Push me to the Edge, All my Cats are Dead

Where do the dead wild cats go?

Gone with the Wind,
Their rotting flesh unseen,
Are they eaten?
Are they buried?
Are they forgotten?

Where do the dead wild cats go?

Gosh, I don't know.

hey baby.

hey baby,
the world is a kaleidoscope of colors-
full of life, beauty and wonders.

have you seen a sunflower so bright and yellow,
have you felt the gentle midsummer waves brushing between your toes?

hey baby,
the World is still just & kind,
have you seen children playing in fields and wondering "Will I Ever Have Mine?"
have you seen those kids that give up their seats because they just don't mind?

hey baby,
you'll never be alone.
we're here with you, shielding you from the life of rags and bone.

Grow up kind, have a sound Mind.
Be happy, be sad, be angry,

Fall in Love, Breakup, Get Back Up Again.

hey baby,
we're here with you till the end.

Aku Kafir, Kau Siapa? (Jangan Jawab)

I recently started reading again as an initiative in 2018 and the first book that I've read is a book titled "Aku Kafir, Kau Siapa ? (Jangan Jawab)", written by Ooi Kok Hin. My first impression of the book based on the book cover was how contrasting it was with the man calmly gazing out to the title of book. (Maybe it was meant to portray a man thinking of something?).

The book is about the writer's view on Malaysia's socio-political environment where how we as a  nation, though multicultural are not as liberal or as forward thinking as we are. The book is primarily separated into 3 big discussions that I really think should be heavily discussed amongst ourselves; Education, Religion and Politics.

What I've learned from this book is that we can't run away from politics so as long as we are a democratic nation. What we put forward in our efforts is what we reap. If we remain silent, other views and other ways of life will be pushed into our hand and shoved into our throats. History is written by the victors and the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

My favourite discussion that the writer openly discusses about that should be discussed further are that from "Soal Jawab Mengapa Awak Agnostik" which tells of how agnostic beliefs functions and "Multikultural Malaysia vs Asimilasi Indonesia" which shares the differences between Multiculturalism, Assimilation and Interculturism, something that I fully support.

His discussions and ideas are brief and small tidbits and excerpts that should be taken with a grain of salt. However these discussions shouldn't be made into such a taboo that we aren't open for new dialogues that should've been openly discussed in 2010. My main takeaway from this book is if you are still indifferent or have no hate towards your country, you need to think on how to improve your country even if is from the bottom up.

19112017

Are we hiding under a facade?
Are we all just biding till someone calls fraud?
Crying wolf of tears and sadness,
Caving into your own fears and madness.

Are we all that different that we became so indifferent?
Are we processing too much information that we become so ignorant?

Pushing all morality and common sense aside,
Pushing down the pills and the drinks that burns on the inside,

Assuming that we have the third eye to perceive new perceptions,
Unbeknownst to ourselves its just self deception.

Are we all just too okay that we're not okay,
Wearing a golden crown on that head of clay
That'll break off to dust, a gentle breeze that'll blew it away
Gone with the wind, only remembered by kin.

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Oh hey, how are you?
Is it true that the sky is blue?
The pastures greener on your own roof?

I've never been better,
The color depends on the weather,
Hardships never chooses his customer.

Have you found what you want? Have you found what you need?
Did you pick the right poison? Did you tick off all the corrections?

I've found what I need and I'll get what I want.
I've found what not to pick but that hasn't stop me from choosing the wrong one.

 What of the vision? What of the chance? Has it all passed away?

The plan is still on hand, online, on deck. I need time, I need space, I need a hand that I can't replace.

It's scattered all over like a spilt turnover, a split foldover.
I need tape, some staples and rivets to put it back together.

I'll get it back together once again.
but for now,
My mind is off-zen, off-centered, offline.Auf Wiedersehen.

Masa

Aku sering perhati,

Sang Bulan dan Sang Mentari,
Bagaikan sepasang pencinta yang sedang menari,
mewarnai kegelapan dan mengisi ruangan galaksi

Namun.

Namun ku di sini masih tidak mampu menerima,
Pencarian kesilapanku yang ku tidak tahu mana dan mengapa

Sekarang,

Sekarang ku sudah berada di dalam posisi,
Rakanku, Keluargaku; syukur mereka berada di sisi,

Kini.

Kini namamu kian tidak lagi menghantui dalam ingatanku,
Kini aku senyum tanpamu,
Kini aku mampu. 

t

i must confess
i'll write what i feel more or less,
i got a lil starry eyed
suddenly the vision of her is magnified

am i afraid, terrified?
i wouldnt want to look im staring at h er like im petrified
i must confess
i cant protest

im not a man of finesse
i dont recall that i ever profess
i must confess
angelic, she looks like shes the b est

 maybe im just a lil crossed eyed
but the vision of her looks more magnified
 i lay this feeling buried with all the roses
i set it ablze hope that itll never arises

sincerely yours,

An Ode to Mama

An Ode to Mama 

She taught me to be sharp, smart and tact,
She taught me to listen well and when to fight back,
Her posture shines that of a strong lioness,
Proper polite and caring is her prowess,
The strong woman, Onn's number 3,
She helps everyone with no care of getting anything back this Lady from the house of 63,
She raised her 3 kids well with her husband,
Although she felt like she's raising 3000.

I can never replace Tok Ayah or Baba,
I'm not the smartest nor am I that great of a man
But you believe in me, whispering in your prayers "I know you Can"

May Allah bless you and have a safe trip later,
Happy 51st to my strong, loving mother.
You saw me out into the world from your womb,
I hope I can see you out to your tomb.

From God we came,
To Him we'll go to,
InSyaAllah God grants you the strength to see,
The growth of your wonderful family tree.
Happy Birthday Mama

Union//Union

She clasps and kneels,
He bends and arches in his prayers,
She prays for mercy and whispers her pleas,
He begs for his and his kin's sins and His forgiveness
They knelt in unison, in a same direction.

They share the truth of believing in One,
though their paths are of a different direction,
Until they were set in an intersection,
interfaith, interactive, interaction

They're heartbeat beats, synchronised,
They're eyes locked gazing each other, mesmerised,
Their hands now clasped on each other, a rush to the head,
Their feelings, oh when emotions triumphs over logic instead!

But alas it was a just a junction of intersection,
 An afflicted addiction, An unlikely union,

They bow out, went on their ways,
The joyous union has ended, a raucous applause from both sides erupted,
The ostracized devoted is now in refuge of the faithless,
Seeking out shadows in the darkness,

She clasps and kneels,
He bends and arches in his prayers,
She prays for mercy and whispers her pleas,
He begs for his and his kin's sins and His forgiveness
They knelt in unison, in a same direction.

REbound

are you done crying your eyes out?

all the torn flesh, has the wounds dried up?

all the cheap kisses and hugs,

have they been used up?

those nights when you utter out a different name,

those days where texting them was just another game

how many of "the ones" have you found?

just to find out that it was just another rebound

next?

I stood ready,
My mind has made up its decision.
Its my life right, not somebody's
I stand with my choices be right or wrong
or an incision to the cranium

I'm the painter, I'm the caretaker, I'm the one who misbehaves here.
I choose not the right paths always but I made up for the selection of company that I made.
Life is always clear cut. It's us humans (humane or not) who add on the buts.
Just move on with life, just read through it and on with the next chapter.

Broken

Broken.

Her eyes shone a different light.
Though it was bright it was diffracted,
Peering into her soul that was shattered.

Her heart has gone through hell,
Ravaged by her abused trust,
A Deer in front of the headlights,
Dazed and confused,
Whether to lie or to trust.

It matters not what she has chosen,
It matters if she has ever forgiven.
Her heart is like that beautiful shattered glass,
Fragile, beautiful, something that you want to caress.

but alas, you can't. She has lost faith. She has lost trust.
She'll move on eventually but you'll never be there to see,
Such is the beauty of the women with the heart of a shattered glass.

Box of Lies

Box of Lies

She gave me a box full of lies,

clothed with her bleeding heart in disguise,

trapping me, begging to fulfill her undisclosed desires.

She masks her rotting heart by feinting pain,

chaining my sanity to her demands,

selfishly eating my soul away

She won't let anyone touch her heart,

just let me be! I'll rid of you when I'm done,

she'll be done after she rips my soul apart,

just to entertain her dying heart.

be wary of her heart,

once broken by a man,

 so is her trust.

be wary of opening her box full of broken dreams and desires,

she might be just toying with you, that poor little liar.

أعمى

right there laying in front of your eyes,
all the truth you need underneath black ice

all the white noises screeching out a disguise,
piling it with nasty white lies

all the human commotion guise by suit and tie,
the bloodied hand gloved with a smile so wry

mountain of bodies, enthroned the pawn
the glass wall blinding the spawn

the ones who pull the strings need not waiver
for a swing of an ax only kills the puppet not the puppeteer

ego.

wake up in the middle of the night hoping you'll be by my side,

who cares what other people say, cause they can what they say but the matters grey,

i don't mind at all if i fall, i fall hard on the face,

i get up on the sunrise never felt so out of place,

strap up its gonna be a bumpy ride,

full of men with pride,

getting lost for no cause, bitching who has the biggest flaws for sure..

i don't mind at all if i fall, i fall hard on the face,

i get up on the sunrise never felt so out of place,

ego,ego, your so ego,

ego, ego

I really don't care, I really don't want to know.

PlainJane

filling up the cup,
feeling it's half empty,
Spilled it on the floor feeling so guilty,
My mind and soul left the building; Presley

you gave the trust,
pushed away the lust and the past,
all you get in return is dust,
all the wasted times you had with frust

after several changes one to many,
you had enough, it was tough,
coping up was rough
stop

once bitten twice shy,
once broken, good bye.

Time heals what it can,
Time does not rid the touch of the man,

You get use it, Dried all the tears and heart,
You made a barrier that sets you apart.

Smile to all, Trust none.

wishful thinking

wishful thinking

there are times when a man is afraid of his own shadow,
lost all faith; the torso hollowed

when the boulder he bears felt so overbearing,
the earth that he stands on cracking

blood, sweat and tears felt so cheap,
the messy produce he sowed he reluctantly reaps,

the boulder he carries is ripping his shoulder wings,
the hope he thirst for evidently missing

the man had forgotten;
a proud man fallen

how you judge yourself is not by comparing with Gods
but by measuring the lost ones who shrivels into wilt pods

though bleeding, the man must mend,
he needs to repent

buckling his legs, gather the unused energy,
develop his own synergy

Plea if you must plea,
never flee

wishful thinking eases the sorrow, remember that everything that we have is borrowed

Kalbu Menjerit

Ah Kalut Serabut,
Cukur Janggut
Terbantut.

Kalbu
Resah Gelisah
Sukar membawa diri

Rugi
Makan Diri
Baruku nak Study

Esok Sudah Tiba
Rabak giler
Finals

Tali sudah disimpul
Dia Muncul
Mati

Masa
Diperlekehkan Jua
Rugi sungguh Manusia

Azam Tahun Baru
Hanya Impian
Bajingan

Hentikan segala Jeritan,
Hentikan tangisan,
Teruskan

Berjuang,
Sampai Hilang,
Tinggalkan Kenangan Manisan.

It's Just The First.

Otak sudah rapuh,
Minda sudah lumpuh,
apa ku belajar ini?
ku bangun malam bangun pagi,
dek kelawar dan burung hantu,
every night I walk home, jumping off when "I hear ah choo"
the Morning sun my Moon so bright,
the Night Moon my Sun, accompanying me walking alone like everything's alright

we hustle, we push, we thrive,
call us masochistic, coz we need stress for us to strive
I know I might be tired out, flat out, burn out,
but all I know is that I'll get out of this waterspout,

Cash Rules Everything Around Me said Brother Wu,
Like y'all know he is who,
disagree with me,
get in line with all the haters who's been knocking on the shell that is empty,

BMW, Mercedes, Ferrari,
aku bawa korang datang kemari,
EX5, Proton, Myvi
mereka semua lari,
tak salah kan apa ku kata tentang money?

Motif hidup jangan diolah,
Janganlah tersentak, terkedu, gelabah,
My bark currently is harder than my bite,
I'm running out of ideas to write after this bait.

Semua orang stress, letops gedang gedababom!
Masa depan kita takleh predict yo but satu soalan kepada lu bro, dah solat ke belom?
Buat yang termampu, biar arang jadi abu,
Give an all out best, the effort is the most important than results I confess.

Amphi ku tak menang award ku tetap puas,
dalam hati ku kami telah buat yang terbest,

That testifies the journey, the effort is what we remember,
Do yourselves proud and remind yourself what you signed up on September.

Roti Canai; Sebuah Kehidupan

Roti Canai; Roti Kehidupan

Aku diuli, penuh rapi, minyak sapi,

Aku direjam, penuh kejam, oleh lembaga Hitam,

Aku dihentam, ditenyeh-tenyeh, oleh dia yang tersengih-sengih,

Dilipat ketat, penuh mampat,

Dicampak ke alam baru; hitam sunyi, haru biru

Dibalik-balik kan, hingga badanku garing kekeringan,

Sudah siap, ku ditepuk; Pap-pap!

Hidangnya aku dengan dalca atau kari (ikutlah suka hati)

Dihidangkan kepada Dia, yang telah lama menanti